Sunday, February 26, 2006

A Walk at the Reservoir

26 February 2006, 12:17 PM

Starlight sprinkles over rippling waves
wind dances through the dappled limbs of sycamores
pale under a moonless sky
and overhead Orion keeps his chase
seeking after those who would not have him
one who seeks in shame to hide her face
and six too proud to bend themselves once more
to taste disgrace

Saturday, February 25, 2006


25 February 2006, 4:06 PM

That appetite is corrupt
which cannot be satisfied
with its rightful food

I used to pity birds
sun and moon
for the repetitive nature of their lives
I could not imagine the emptiness
which must be entailed
within such an existence

I have lost such pity as I realize
it is I who have the perpetually
monotonous experience
of dissatisfaction
restlessness and searching for something more
something to fill the emptiness
creeping about in the darkness of solitude
or just as often
in the forgetfulness of meaningless
or meaningful company

In the midst of distraction
or in the deafening silence of solitary moments
I forget who I am
what I am
and what I am meant for
I become ravenous for what I cannot name
and it seems an eternity since I have tasted
my rightful food
by no fault of the provision

it left me hungry

Monday, February 20, 2006

Good Gifts

19 February 2006, 11:55 PM

It was just what I hoped it would be

My family came
blessed my home
ate my food
drank my wine
brought me poetry

Half a dozen voices
ringing through the halls of this
my home
Twice that number
sharing food and air and wine
and couch-space
laughing uncontrollably
appropriately and not
and capturing every bit
of mirth and gaiety on camera
and in my memory

I want for naught tonight
I cannot need anything but You
after the good gifts You have given

To Alanis

20 February 2006, 8:36 AM

I think I may be leaving you behind
Not all at once nor once for all
but something in the taste of wine
the sound of Wendell
Longfellow and Tennyson
eases the angst you helped me find

So little by little I'm putting you away
learning that there is no doctor
There is time
the great healer
faith in Someone bigger than myself
There is wine and music
poetry and blessings
friends to bear the burdens together

I do have my reasons to be here
It goes without saying
I have a thing or two to learn
We all believe in something
it's not a question of compulsion
but of reality and of what or whom
so we do

But you're wrong about one thing
I don't have to believe what I do
This place wounds me daily
enough to make me question
why I do this day in and day out
It teaches me to feel
to choose
to live
alert and aware of how
few things are certain

So I'm putting you away
bit by bit and slowly
loving you just the same
but more as a sister
less as a mentor I've outgrown

Angst is the beginning of wisdom
not its end

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Learn to Feel

14 February 2006, 7:41 PM

Learn to feel the pain of solitude
without the posthaste rush for mindless
or mindful company which dulls the sense
which otherwise might draw one
into something
greater than self

Learn to feel the sting of betrayal
without knee-jerk's desire
to return ill for ill
for retribution numbs compassion
which otherwise might draw one
into greater understanding of other

Learn that affect
does not always require effect


most often
reaction negates the gleanings
the good which might
redeem what was lost

Sunday, February 12, 2006


12 February 2006, 9:32 PM

I'm trying to live in the present
Does my disappointment
prove the effort futile?

If this ache subdues
desire to take up the cross
(the only one I can call mine)
and continue to walk

if I am left with only will
only raw volition at my beck

what then?

Choose to place
one foot before the other

do the dishes
wash the laundry
love the little boy who is my charge

and leave chasing to those
who have the strength
to pursue

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Thank You

9 February 2006, 10:20 PM

Thank you for a place of healing
of broken things made whole again
though scarred
a place where time has little meaning
where every little part of me runs
free within a realm of relativity
contained within
the concept of Truth
the notion of Absolute

Friday, February 03, 2006

Apart From You

3 February 2006, 2:40 AM

The need escapes me at times

But most often sits beside me
holds my hand
strokes my hair
whispers your name in my ear
tells me time and time again
only you can still the sorrow
only you can calm the pain
only you can sate the yearning
only you can ease the strain

It is a bitter lie
which would take the lovely
loving thing you’ve placed
within my grasp
and make it an end
rather than the gift you intended
to provide the means for me
to live and learn
to love and dream

apart from you

A Moment's Peace

3 February 2006, 2:32 AM

I get lost in these pockets of grief

I know you know
but every time I realize I’ve done it again
I feel compelled to explain
just one more time

I get lost in these endless rooms of sadness

I know you’ve seen me
searching for a reason to get up and leave
not come back
though I’ve never found a reason not to stay

I get lost in these moments of anger

When suddenly I’m blinded by the pain
I could tear you down to size
or so I’d like to think
should need arise

I get lost in these voices in my head

Sometimes I can’t hear you when you’re sitting
right across the room from me
such a tiny room but I can’t hear for all the
screaming in between my ears
the selves each clamoring for you to see and hear
to come inside these rooms of chaos with me

bring a moment’s peace

George MacDonald

"Home is ever so far away in the palm of your hand, and how to get there it is of no use to tell you. But you will get there; you must get there; you have to get there. Everybody who is not at home, has to go home."

Site Hits