Monday, April 10, 2006


10 April 2006, 12:10 AM

I’m not self-flagellating

I’m soberly looking at what I’ve handed you
and my heart is broken for you
even at your tender age of five
when you really can’t comprehend
what you will never have

But someday you will

And when you do I want you to know
you can tell me and you can be angry
You can wish out loud that things had been different

God knows I have

I never wanted to hand you two homes
one with a mother, one with a father
two distinct remnants of a family
and all the wounds you may someday discover
in your person, the deficit you may experience
in your sense of self and safety and belonging

I have great hope for redemption

If God can make good of the evils I’ve seen
if He can turn my heart
so that I am bent on loving you rightly
first and foremost
with or without my husband

if He can redeem my sin as I’ve seen Him do

perhaps He can protect you, heal you
guide you toward redemption in His time
for His glory
and for our salvation

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George MacDonald

"Home is ever so far away in the palm of your hand, and how to get there it is of no use to tell you. But you will get there; you must get there; you have to get there. Everybody who is not at home, has to go home."

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